Unless you have been in the situation, it’s very hard to articulate what it’s like to lose a child. The heady excitement of finding out you and your wife/partner have created a new life and the thoughts you have about what this child could look like, what name you can give them, which one of you their behaviours would look like. Only for a hospital visit to reveal that journey will not continue anymore.
Often as men we can spend so much energy focusing on making sure our better halves are OK, and not give ourselves permission to grieve, to ugly cry and be vulnerable. I was blessed enough to have men around me who made space for me to do that but I found from many other men who’s partners lost babies afterwards that this is very rare. It doesn’t have to be this way.
This doesn’t take away from the fact that a lot more support needs to be provided to women who have miscarried, had still births or other losses. It is not an either or but a both and. Men, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Or get counselling or other therapy to talk it through. It’s two parents that lose a child when this happens.
I still imagine what that kind of human the baby we lost would have become while still being eternally grateful for the magnificent women that the universe gifted. Time is a healer.
Just letting other men out there know that we can talk about this, while supporting our partners.